Leethal Weapon: Killing with Cuteness

My dream life...

2010-04-19T09:06:00.002-04:00

I have but two dreams for the future.

1) A cleaning lady.

2) A closet big enough to hold all my clothes so I don't have to "switch out" the seasons.

Happy Monday.

I love clutter!

2010-03-16T09:41:00.002-04:00

I'm having a strange day. I'm looking around at the chaos and mess of my house and feeling so incredibly blessed. I know, you're thinking I've gone off the deep end.

The bills piled up on the kitchen counters. The "necessities" of course: water, gas, electricity, mortgage. But other things too that we don't need but are blessed to have the resources to afford.

Toys are EVERYWHERE. It means my child is healthy and able to play. Can a mother ask for much more than that for her child?

Byron's dirty socks are right next to the laundry basket. A sign that someone lives in this house with me and I'm not doing this whole parenting thing alone.

The dishwasher is running but there are still dishes piled high in the sink. First, we have a dishwasher can I get an AMEN! Second, we have the resources to feed ourselves and use those dishes.

And, as ever, the dirty clothes overfloweth.

Officially Potty Training

2010-03-15T08:25:00.002-04:00

Wyatt will be two in a week and we've begun potty training this morning. He has been awake for about an hour and we've already had our first accident! Woo Hoo! In all honesty I don't have a clue what I'm doing. I have a Costco size bag of M & Ms and stickers as incentives but other than that I'm pretty much in the dark about how to train a boy. I've never been one to read parenting books (for many reasons) but I'm now wishing I had at least looked at a potty book. Oh well, live and learn.

Don't you hate it when...

2010-03-12T16:22:00.003-05:00

...you go to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer and realize that you got distracted somewhere along the way and forgot to close the lid on the washer? As if laundry is not tedious enough it just prolongs the entire arduous process. Not many things frustrate me more than seeing those soggy clothes sitting in 2 feet of soapy water just as dirty as they were an hour earlier. It happens almost daily. Gingko Biloba perhaps?

Smarty Pants

2010-02-28T20:11:00.002-05:00

This morning Wyatt was doing something he shouldn't. Surprising, I know. We are currently employing the "Count of 3" method. As in, "If you don't stop what you're doing by the time I get to three..."

I heard Byron in the living room. "Wyatt!! Stop!! One....Two...Three..." Then an angelic little voice yelled, "FOUR!"

Hard to be mad at a genius.

Introducing: Owen William!

2010-02-26T07:57:00.007-05:00

I feel like Owen didn't get the fanfare he deserved upon his arrival. So he will be getting it now. Six weeks late is better than not at all!

Owen on his birthday. He was born at 1:58 a.m. January 15 weighing 7 lbs. 8 oz.

Owen at 6 weeks. Such a sweet little boy.

Owen is a really laid back little guy. He didn't really have a choice with Wyatt Knievel for a brother! Owen is content to just hang out in his swing or on the couch most of the time. The only time I have heard him really cry was right after he was born. When he wants to eat he just grunts. He eats a LOT! I think he has figured out that eating = Mommy's attention.

He's a sweet little guy and we love him!

Tired of Updating my Facebook Status Every 30 Seconds...

2010-02-22T17:52:00.003-05:00

On the off chance that you follow my blog but aren't my Facebook friend a lot has happened since I last wrote. We have a new baby named Owen who was born January 15. He is the spitting image of Wyatt which brings me to the purpose of this missive: The child is driving me INSANE.

I just found a bowl and a set of measuring spoons in the trashcan. Seeing as Byron is at work, Owen cannot move on his own, and the dog lacks opposable thumbs all signs point to WYATT. The child is into everything. I know that comes with the territory of an almost two but coupled with the sleep deprivation a newborn brings my patience is tried terribly. (I mistyped that "tired" originally and considered leaving it because it is also a true statement!)

He has also discovered that he can climb. And so he does. Onto the back of the couch, off the side of the couch, up the stairs, down the stairs. He has bruises everywhere as merit badges for his feats of courage.

Another favorite is hiding things. Usually under the couch. He then crawls under to retrieve them and screams in a truly panic stricken voice, "STUCK! WY WY STUCK!" He is rarely actually stuck but it is a sure fire way to get Mommy to come running. I think there is a method to his madness as he is usually "stuck" when I'm busy with his brother.

And yet, with all the frustration he causes, I can't help but love the little stinker. I guess that is what Motherhood is all about.

Ridiculous

2009-02-25T11:12:00.002-05:00

The following jusr occurred. Wyatt pulled his changing pad and wipes onto the floor. He the crawled over to me with a diaper in his mouth, laid down, and put his legs up in the air. Shall I begin potty training my ELEVEN MONTH OLD?????!!!!

An Update, Finally!

2009-02-11T09:43:00.006-05:00

The masses have spoken. They want more of Team Leeth.

Reasons why I haven't posted:

1) I now have a full fledged terror on my hand. Climbing stairs, scaling the walls of his play pen, chasing the dog, taking steps, TERROR! This is occupying a good deal of my time.
2) I am trying to lose some weight and am now donating Wyatt's nap time to exercising. I am feeling better already!
3) My New Year's Resolution was to have a house that is always ready for visitors (expected or not!). Meaning, I am spending what time I am not exercising cleaning! Living in a tidier house is also making me a happier lady!

And now, post excuses, a Wyatt update!

Wyatt's Words:
MaMa
DaDa
Dogga (This is Charley, our dog)
NaNaNa (This is no)
Ba Ba (bottle)
Ga DaDa (Grandaddy, my dad)
Hi
Hey
Buh Buh (Bye-Bye)

I think this is pretty impressive for a not yet 11-month old!

He is also crawling like crazy, able to stand for about 30 seconds unassisted, and he can take one step before falling over! I don't know, is this normal? Am I bragging about my amazing baby for nothing?!

He also does Patty-Cake, claps along to Bingo, and dances like crazy (see the video above!)

Now some family photos!

HA!

2009-01-14T09:55:00.000-05:00

Wyatt and his cousin Payton.

It will be a miracle...

2009-01-09T10:18:00.003-05:00

...if the child makes it to his first birthday.

Has it been established that Wyatt is a daring one? Well. He is. Actually, my mother-in-law calls him "payback." Why is it that sons are payback for all the ridiculous things their FATHER put their MOTHER through??? So really, Byron's impish behavior as a child has no repercussions for him but I am rewarded for my angelic childhood with a son who rivals Evil Knievil!

The following happened in a 2 hour span yesterday:

1) Wyatt was sitting in his highchair eating Cheerios and I turned to put something in the oven. When I turned back around he was STANDING in his high chair and leaning over the back of it!!! Lesson here: The high chair cover (with attached safety straps) cannot be washed and allowed to "air-dry" ever again or my son will kill himself.

2) We were giving Wyatt his bath and he decided to play Peek-a-Boo. Wyatt typically plays Peek-a-Boo by going face down into the bed, floor, blanket...wherever we happen to be sitting he just does a little face plant. How do you think that turned out in the tub?! With me screaming, "BYRON HE'S GOING TO DROWN!" Then the kid popped himself right back up grinning and laughing like it was the funniest thing he had ever done in his life.

So here is a warning Wyatt's future wife: Your sons will be holy terrors. Start looking at military schools.

Test Results

2009-01-06T13:36:00.003-05:00

We just got the results from Wyatt's bloodwork that was done last week and he is in fact anemic. He has to go on an iron supplement. The doctor recommended mixing it with juice. Now I just have to convince him to like juice.

My dad suffered severe anemia through a portion of my adolesence so when I first got the results (Mind you they were just a bunch of numbers with no word from the doctor yet about what they meant or what I should do) I asked dear old Dad to interpret them for me.

His response:

"Everything seems to be pretty normal except for the HEMATOCRIT is a little low, which can indicate low iron intake, and the RBC is on the bottom end of normal. They are not too far out of range though, so it certainly doesn’t indicate severe anemia like I had, or even moderate anemia. But my best guess is that it might indicate that Wyatt’s iron intake is a little low. My understanding is that this might be somewhat normal for infants when they are going through rapid growth spurts.

Bottom line: I have a cesspool of knowledge, but I’m not an MD. Call your Doctor and ask if you need to do anything different than what you are already doing (I think you are using the formula with an iron supplement already). She may just tell you to continue with that."

UPDATE: Upon hearing the recommendations of the doctor my dad replied, "I concur with Dr. Eley. Based on my review of the lab work I recommend the same treatment. Feel free to send me the results of the repeat blood work in 2-3 months and I will let you know how he is progressing."

We Gotta Get Out of This Place

2009-01-06T11:25:00.002-05:00

Not just a song by The Animals but apparently my son's new mantra as well.

The following all occurred yesterday:

1) I put Wyatt in his "baby cage" so I could use the restroom. When I came back he had pushed one of his toys to the edge of pen and was standing on it attempting to climb out.

2) While I was making dinner, Wyatt was taking a bath in the sink. This generally works really well because he LOVES baths so it keeps him occupied while I get things ready and I am able to keep an eye on him. However, last night he leaned over the side of the tub that sits in the sink and attempted to stand up and get out. I have video of this but I don't know how to put that on here. If you want to see it ask. It is shocking.

3) After his bath, I took him down to the basement and was changing him on our downstairs changing table. The changing table is attached to a pack n play...one of those space saving all in one things we got when we were still living in our 500 sq foot 1 bedroom apartment (SO glad that is over!) He was tossing back and forth and rolling all around as he always does when I am trying to get a diaper on him. All of a sudden he was (still naked) on hands and knees and halfway off the changing table, leaning into the pack 'n play reaching for a toy. I grabbed him by the ankles before he hurtled himself onto his head.

This is why 9-month-olds, who have no sense of DANGER, should be immobile.

Nine Month Stats!

2008-12-31T09:43:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I took Wyatt for his 9 month well baby check.

Weight: 18 lbs, 10 oz. (17th percentile)
Height: 28 1/2 inches (56th percentile)
Head Circumference: I don't remember (80th percentile)

Does anyone see how strange this is? Normally all of your percentiles should be around the same. Since Wyatt is underweight, and has actually lost weight since we were in a couple of weeks ago, they wanted to run a test for anemia. That was about as fun as herding cats. Wyatt was a charmer as always smiling at the blood tech and jabbering right up until the point she stuck him. They pricked his little finger and he didn't cry! He did keep growling at the technician as I literally held him down while she filled the vial drop by drop by drop. I think it took about 20 minutes to collect the sample. My dear son is a mover and a shaker so there was blood everywhere. Perhaps in the future they should consider sedating the baby and the mommy!

Anyway, we are waiting for the results of that. Hopefully everything is normal. I think his weight is down a bit as a result of the stomach flu but I guess I'm glad the doctor is cautious. She said everything else looked good and that he was very advanced and intelligent and beautiful. As though I didn't already know all of these things!

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas...

2008-12-30T10:39:00.004-05:00

Despite going to bed relatively late for a little guy, around 10ish, Wyatt is apparently already programmed to get up at the crack of dawn on Christmas Day. How do kids just seem to know that this is "Toy Day"? Once a reasonable amount of time had passed we called my parents to come on over for Christmas breakfast. That morning's specialty at Cafe Leeth was grits and sausage casserole. So delicious but so bad for you. But in the spirit of Christmas...yum!

"Ho Ho Ho"

Wyatt really liked all of the shiny and apparently delicious paper as his main delight on Christmas Day was eating the wrapping.

"Wyatt Claus and Elf"

All that unwrapping really tired the boy out so he took a nice long nap and Byron and I enjoyed several cups of coffee and the relative peace between celebrations. And I read my new book almost in its entirety. Byron got me the Jon & Kate Plus 8 book. Let me tell you if you've never watched that show that she is INSANE. Beyond insane actually. I didn't know if that craziness would translate into print but it definitely did. So ridiculously awesome.

When Wyatt awoke, we headed over to my parents to see Wyatt's best buddy, Baby Judah! Grandaddy and Grandmom gave the boys lots of fun toys. Including the amazing "Bounce and Spin Pony."

"Future Blackmail"

You may be thinking, "My Wyatt Claus, how you've changed!" Wyatt was so kind and let Judah borrow his Santa suit. You may not have noticed this but Judah is a big boy and Wyatt...well he just isn't. The reindeer outfit is 6 months and the Santa suit is 12 months. It was pretty much process of elimination which boy would wear what for the cutest Christmas photos ever.

"Judah Claus and his tiny reindeer"

Christmas night we headed out to Fairfax to see Byron's parents and his grandma. They were still a little stomach fluish and Wyatt was Christmased out so we didn't stay long. Long enough to say "Ho, Ho, Ho" and home we went.

On the 26th, which George W. Bush graciously declared a federal holiday (thanks W), we had a vet appointment for the pupster and then planned the make-up Christmas celebration with the Leeths. For some unknown reason I volunteered to make potato soup for dinner that evening. Why? Why? Why? After peeling a million potatos and mashing a million potatos and cutting a million onions and frying a million pounds of bacon my kitchen was a disaster and we were late for dinner. Ay carumba... But the soup. It was delicious. So delicious. Worth the effort and the kitchen disaster which dear Byron cleaned up!

"Aunt Erin and Wyatt"

Byron's sister Erin has basically declared payback in all the gifts she gives Wyatt. When our nephew Payton was born in March of 2006 we made it out duty to find the loudest, most annoying toys known to man. Now Wyatt is receiving equally loud toys. In fact, his favorite gift of the whole lot is a train that drives around the house droppig balls out of the back. Guess who gets to wrestle the dog for the balls? ME! Thanks Aunt Erin and Uncle Kenny! Though Wyatt's squeals of glee as he crawls behind the train are totally worth my new role as dog wrestler.

"Choo-Choooo!"

Satrurday morning was splent cleaning and generally preparing for Byron's family to come out to our house. The whole gang came by and Payton informed Erin that he would like a baby cage full of toys like Wyatt has. The noise volume of all Wyatt's new toys being operated at once was through the roof yet Wyatt slept through it all!

Finally, Sunday arrived. Our second wedding anniversary! After church, my parents came over for lunch (leftover potato soup, of course) and took Wyatt home with them. Later they took the Water Taxi over to National Harbor to see the Christmas decorations at the Convention Center

"Wyatt's Night Out"

Meanwhile, back home I was having a most glorious afternoon! I actually got to take a bath and no one demanded my attention. It was fabulous. THEN, I took a nap. How wonderful. At 6 o'clock I woke up from my 2 1/2 hour snooze (I told you, glorious afternoon) and got dressed for dinner. We went to Carlyle and got an appetizer AND dessert because it was our anniversary! Byron had received a gift card so we really felt like we could order whatever we wanted. With me choosing to stay home with Wyatt we really have to watch our money so it was really nice to be able to go out that night and not be worried about just ordering whatever was cheapest. I did drink water though...old habits die hard.

"Christmas 2006"

"Christmas 2008"

'Twas the Night Before Christmas...

2008-12-29T13:20:00.007-05:00

The week of Christmas is very busy for most of America and especially so for the Leeths this year! Now some catching up.

"Wyatt Claus"

As mentioned in my previous post we had the stomach flu. We had it bad. We were all feeling back to normalish by the 21st aka the Saturday before Christmas so we decided it would be an AWESOME idea to take Wyatt to see Santa.

"Waiting for Santa"

Here are Byron and Wyatt in the 2+ hour long line. If I had a scanner I would scan the photo of Wyatt and Santa. Just as well. Santa looks annoyed and Wyatt looks terrified. This is cuter.

On Sunday we went to church. Wyatt looooves going to church because he has so many admirers and people are more than willing to hold him provided they can fight off his Grandaddy.

"Cuteness begins with a 'W'"

Sunday was also Wyatt's 9 month birthday. We celebrated with popcorn shrimp from Red Lobster. YUM! Later that evening, we went out to Midland to visit with Byron's sister. Midland is about 2 miles south of the middle of nowhere. The directions to the house ACTUALLY include the phrase, "Turn right at the silo painted like an ear of corn." You also pass a barn with a dancing cow painted on the side of it. I love it. After watching the Redskins game we loaded up the cars and headed to the Bull Run Festival of lights. I had never done anything like that and was suitably impressed.

Monday night was spent frantically with the masses at a most dreaded place. Springfield Mall. I soo hate shopping. I soooo hate Springfield Mall. I soooooooo hate crowds. It was a personal nightmare.

Tuesday it was BACK TO THE MALL. EWWW. This time I went in the middle of the day and it was not so terrible. Wyatt and I and a little 5-year-old friend of ours rode the merry go round. (This sounds creepyish but it really is not! I used to babysit this little girl about 20 hours a week when I was in grad school at George Mason. She was 2 then and now she is actually in kindergarten! I hope time does not go this fast with my own child...ay de mi.) Then we came home and made Christmas cookies for Santa. Wyatt thoroughly enjoyed having someone to get into his "baby cage" and play with him.

"Christmas Cookies"

"Why does the Caged Baby Smile?"

Finally, Christmas Eve! Hooray!! The plan was to go to church at 5 then to Byron's parent's house for dinner and nifty gifties. (And we did indeed get some very nifty gifties! Like a sweet GPS! I'll never be lost again!!!! Provided I remember to bring it with me...still working on that new trick!) Unfortunately, we had shared the stomach flu with Byron's mom, 2 sisters, and his grandma who flew in from Indiana. OOPS! We thought we were in the stomach bug clear but apparently not. Plan B! We opened our new Christmas PJs before church and then went off to see the White House trees. Don't be fooled by Wyatt Claus' disguise. Part of his excellent management plan is to literally walk in the shoes, or in this case hooves, of his support staff. On Christmas Eve we caught him in reindeer mode!

"For Me?"

"Pure Delight"

" 'Zat You Wyatt Claus?"

To be continued...

Puke and Poop

2008-12-18T18:47:00.001-05:00

The stomach flu has hit Casa de Leeth. Enough said.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving

2008-12-10T15:46:00.003-05:00

Our Thanksgiving started bright and early. As in like 5:30 a.m. Don't Byron and I look thrilled to be awake? Also, in the first photo Wyatt is making an INSANE face which for some reason delights me.

Next, we went to the Wingard's for about an hour to see Uncle Bobby and Judah! The boys are 5 weeks, 6 days apart with Wyatt being older but smaller!

We then headed to the Farifax Leeth's for Thanksgiving dinner. Wyatt had turkey and mashed potatos! Yum! Yum! Everything was delicious and we had a lovely day!

(P.S. The Leeths of Lorton DOMINATED the Thanksgiving game of Apples to Apples.)

Acceptance Speech

2008-12-08T09:26:00.003-05:00

Thank you, thank you for crowning me "funniest dead mouse joke teller of all time." I accept this award with great honor. I couldn't have done it without God and my fans. My fans are AWESOME!

In other news, yes the Leeths DID celebrate Thanksgiving. Pictures will be up once I get a new battery for the camera so it can withstand the uploading process.

Meanwhile, enjoy this photo taken by my friend Stacey after the Kiddie Choir concert last night.

Wyatt is totally the cutest baby ever. I am a completely unbiased judge and I have declared it so.

Things I've Learned the Not-So-Fun Way

2008-12-02T12:50:00.001-05:00

Wyatt does NOT like the big tub. At all.

Things I've Learned the Fun Way

2008-12-01T10:31:00.001-05:00

The only thing tackier than chili pepper Christmas lights?

Blinking chili pepper Christmas lights.

Maravilloso!

Public Service Announcement

2008-11-30T22:53:00.002-05:00

It's true, I just scooped that sucker right up and tossed him in a ziploc bag..........wonder if it'll keep him fresh.......But anyways, I made sure I took a picture of it in all it's bagged glory to show Wyatt that first Halloween when he asks to eat all his candy. I'll just take that picture out and say "Son, this is what happens when you eat too much Halloween candy." (Joke edited by Beth for optimum funniness.)

I had a different endingso let's try my version out, you know, for market research. "Son, this is what happens when you eat too much Halloween candy........you turn into a mouse."

Vote for me!

I'm Byron Leeth and I approve this message.

There's a MOUSE IN MY HOUSE

2008-11-30T22:29:00.002-05:00

I have known for quite some time that we had a rodent guest. I bought a bag of candy for Halloween at BJ's and when I pulled it out to distribute it to Trick or Treaters I made an unsettling discovery. A hole in the bag and tiny shreds of Snickers wrapper. (The mouse at least has excellent taste in candy.) Off went our porch light. Into the trash went the bag of candy. And then I just kind of forgot about it.

Until last week.

I went into our laundry room and the smell of death LITERALLY made me gag. Now our laundry room is not an actual laundry room. A good portion of our basement is unfinished and that is where the washer, dryer, deep freezer, storage, etc. are located in our house. Anyway, I told Byron that I would like him to investigate and see if he could find anything dead. When he came home he said he just thought it was the dog's crate and that there probably wasn't anything dead at all.

So I tried to do laundry. Which consisted of me opening the door. Gagging. Tossing the dirty clothes in. Shutting the door with great force.

This does not clean clothes make.

Byron decided he needed clean clothes so tonight he was doing laundry. About ten minutes ago he came out of the laundry room, "Whatever you do, do not go in the laundry room."

There is a dead mouse in my laundry room behind my dryer. Decomposing.

So far Byron has gathered an empty Kleenex box and a Ziploc bag. There have been strict instructions that my salad tongs are to stay IN the drawer.

He has just emerged, victorious.

"It was easy. Rigor mortis had set in so it was nice and stiff."

A Face Only a Mother Could Love

2008-11-25T15:36:00.001-05:00

How Could I Forget?!

2008-11-23T21:19:00.004-05:00

As previously mentioned, Byron is not as excited for Christmas as I am. But being the nice husband that he is on Friday night once Wyatt was settled he headed out to Wal-Mart to get some lights for the Christmas tree. Let me tell you, I was soooooo excited that he was willing to do that. Until he got home. With one strand of lights. 100 light bulbs. No more. No less. 100 bulbs.

"What?! It will be PLENTY!"

SABOTEUR!

Wait, What??

2008-11-23T20:52:00.006-05:00

There have been some questions as to how I gradually "snuck" Christmas into the casa without Byron noticing. Following is a photo essay (photojournalistic no?) depicting the arrival of Christmas. Before Byron knew it, Christmas was here and past the point of stopping!

First, don't you love how nice and PINK Christmas seems to be at my house? I know I sure do!! Actually the "real" Christmas things are normal colors but in the kitchen I have free reign for as bright and tacky as my Chrismas heart desires. Here is what our tree actually looks like.

See, not even tacky. Not a chili pepper light in sight.

Top Ten Reasons Baby Gap is Actually Crazy.

2008-11-20T08:24:00.005-05:00

I entered Wyatt in Gap's Casting Call and they had the nerve to NOT select him. Following are ten reasons why they made a huge mistake. (Does anyone else enjoy Arrested Development? If so, read that as though Gob said it.)

And now the top ten reasons why Wyatt would have been an awesome Gap model.

10. Wyatt knows how to kick back and relax.

9. He's not anorexic.

8. Good personal hygiene is a must for those in the fashion industry.

7. He has his own wheels.

6. He is brave. Still smiling despite the imminent threat of bear attack.

5. He emotes. This one is "surprise."

4. He looks good in black and white.

3. Ladies love bad boys. And Wyatt's done hard time.

2. That's where he learned to be all gangsta.

1. Because he is adorable and this is the photo I submitted to the contest:

I rest my case Baby Gap.

Feliz Navidad

2008-11-19T23:22:00.004-05:00

So Christmas has OFFICIALLY hit Casa de Leeth.

Byron and I MAY have had an agreement that I would not get the Christmas things out until after Thanksgiving. So my solution to that ridiculous rule was to just do it really gradually.

For instance, 2 weekends ago we were at the Mart (Wal-Mart for those of you not down with the lingo) when I reminded my darling husband that last year we had to settle for disgusting wrapping paper because we waited too long and anything remotely free of Bratz girlz/Barbie/Ninja Turtles was long gone. So we bought some. And then I wrapped a bunch of things (like baby clothes that are still too big for my petite son..he doesn't know he is supposed to get good stuff yet) and kind of just left them sitting in a pile...Already Christmassy!

THEN, the Christmas dishes made their way into the cupboard.

Next, on a trip to Kohl's (because they were having an awesome toy sale) I accidentally bought a snowman bath mat and soap dispenser which are now cheerfully sitting in our half-bath.

Yesterday, I rearranged the living room furniture to make room for the Christmas tree. So now the corner looks very lonely and barren. Even Byron thinks it needs a little Christmas cheer.

Today, I actually had the guts to hang Christmas lights up in the kitchen. It looks AWESOME. Like a Mexican cantina. Perhaps I need chili pepper lights for authenticity. Oh wait, I already convinced Byron we needed those 2 years ago. Ole!

This photo (taken at South of the Border in 2006) reminds me of a funny story from my freshman year of college actually. I think it was probably no later than October and I was already feeling festive. I had my mini-tree sitting on my desk with all its mini-ornaments. Jose Feliciano was gaily singing "Feliz Navidad." I was so moved by his exuberant wishes for a Merry Christmas that I felt compelled to join in. I stood up in my desk chair belting it out with him. At that EXACT moment a tour group of prospective students walked into my room to see what a typical dorm looked like. They were greeted with me, in my pajamas, wrapped in a blanket toga style, standing in my desk chair, singing Feliz Navidad, in October. Do you think any of them wound up at Mary Wash?

I'm Don Wingard and I do What I Want

2008-11-07T08:57:00.004-05:00

For those of you who have never had the great fortune of meeting my dad, the man is a piece of work. A hilarious piece of work.

My mom has not been feeling well so we had my dad over for dinner last night. Can I just say how proud I was that I successfully made an edible meal on an evening we had company? It seems like every time someone is over something goes horribly wrong and they are presented with a pile of slop a pig would turn its nose up at.

But back to my dad.

He informed that he is now listening to Don Imus on his way to work.

"I really hate Don Imus. Really hate him. If I was on a desert island with Don Imus [pause] Adolf Hitler and [pause] Osama Bin Laden and I had a gun with only two bullets [pause, pause, exaggerated thinking face] I'd shoot Imus twice."

Look how even at 6 weeks old Wyatt is saying, "Is this guy for REAL?!"

Oh Camry, My Camry...The Amusement Never Ends

2008-11-05T09:06:00.002-05:00

As promised, here is another story about the gloriousness of my 1995 Toyota Camry.

Last winter I came out to the car after a looong day of first graders to discover that the unthinkable had occurred...My poor Camry's battery had once again died. I don't recall exactly what the cause of death was this time though the battery generally dies for one of two reasons.

1. I have left the lights on. This is not because I am a ditz! When I first got the old gal in 2002, her lights would turn off automatically when the driver's door was opened. This ability has left in her old age but the habit has not left me causing quite a few dead batteries.
2. She allows the very life to be sucked out of her by a cell phone charger that somehow does not get unplugged before the car is exited. I have no idea how someone forgets to do this but it happens kind of a lot. And sometimes in conjunction with the #1 reason the battery dies.

That said, I had never been alone with a dead car battery. No dad/husband/boyfriend/anyone who remotely knew what they were doing. So, what was I to do? I went back inside to find my co-teacher Lori to see if she knew what to do.

Her very enthusiastic response was, "Lauren's car battery dies all the time!! She has a jumper box!! Her dad gave it to her for Christmas!! Let's get her!!"

We raced up to the Kindergarten hall. Raced is probably a bit of a stretch. Keep in mind I was 7-8 months pregnant and Lori (hence-forth Miss Licter, because this story will be way better if you imagine it as it truly was...teachers without a clue) was already running late for a physical therapy appointment for her ankle. Sauntered is probably a better term.

When we finally meandered up to Lauren's room (hence-forth Miss Marino) she was super-excited to get to use her jumper box thing for the first time. We followed the directions kind of but the jumper box did not work. Probably because we only kind of followed the directions. Hmm...time to do the dreaded deed...Call Dad.

He asked me the following questions:

1. Is there a man around?
A: Unfortunately, the only man who works here has gone home.

2. A janitor or custodian?
A: The last thing you want is to owe Miss Ruthie a favor. That woman is CRAZY. If you owed her/were the last one at your desk, all of a sudden the entire staff would begin receiving emails from you in the following format:

A message from Ruthie:

GET YOUR KIDS TO STACK THEIR CHAIRS OR I AM GOING TO QUIT VACUUMING.

RUTHIE.

Thanks,
Beth Leeth

So obviously, that was not an option

3. A farmer's daughter?
A: No.

4. A military wife?
A: No

5. So it's just two first grade teachers and a kindergarten teacher?
A: Yes.

6. Ok, hook the black to the red...blah, blah...obviously I wasn't a good student.

And that was that. We would have to figure it out ourselves because I couldn't remember to turn my headlights off, much less the directions to jumpstart a car!

I will now describe what happened as though it was witnessed by one of my students.

Mrs. Leeth was trying to get her hood to stay open and Miss Licter was yelling at her to get away because she didn't want Peanut to get exploded. And Miss Marino was running between some cars. And Miss Licter was talking on her cell phone and the she was holding Mrs. Leeth's hood open and then the car started.

Doesn't the first grade version of things leave a lot to be desired?

Mrs. Leeth was trying to get her hood to stay open and Miss Licter was yelling at her to get away because she doesn't want Peanut to get exploded.
At one point in time the Camry had some kind of hydraulics or something that kept the hood open without one of those metal sticks like most cars have. Yeah, well it didn't work anymore. Miss Licter was very concerned that we didn't know what we were doing and that if I was holding onto the hood I might blow myself up. She took this dangerous responsibility upon herself. Peanut is what my class called Wyatt before he was born.

And Miss Marino was running between some cars.
She was kind of the only one who knew what she was doing. She was hooking up all the cables and telling us what to do. Thanks Miss Marino!

And Miss Licter was talking on her cell phone and the she was holding Mrs. Leeth's hood open and then the car started.
Miss Licter's end of telling the doctor's office she would be late for her PT appointment: "My pregnant co-worker's battery is dead so I am going to be late." What kind of a laugh do you think the receptionist got at my expense? Probably a pretty good one.

That Camry.

Motherhood: The End of Dignity

2008-11-04T09:26:00.007-05:00

It starts with the multiple doctors appointments that are BEYOND invasive. This culminates in childbirth which, as you may recall from high school biology's "Miracle of Life" video, is about as undignified as one can get. Then you think, finally, I can rejoin the human race as a person with a bit of privacy and decency.

WRONG!

You kind of expect that you will no longer do any of the following without tiny eyes following your every move:

1. Change your clothes.

2. Bathe.

3. Use the bathroom.

As a mother you also spend an inordinate amount of time dealing with poop. As in cleaning it off of another human being who seemingly produces more than his body weight in it twice a day. Dignity? Not really.

But that is really not even the worst of it!

No. What really comes as a shock is the way you allow yourself to be photographed. I am about to publish some photos of myself looking pretty much as bad as it gets. Why you may ask? Because my son looks cute/is doing something cute/is doing something milestoneish. That's right, a mother has no dignity because her child is darling.

Here we have Wyatt brushing his own teeth.

The first to comment on my Medusa hair/Rabies mouth/General disgustingness will be immediately stoned and subsequently unfriended on Facebook. And we all know FB is the true test of friendship.

Wyatt holding his own bottle.

My pajamas need no comment from you dear reader. That is what I have a husband for.

Frightfully Cute

2008-11-03T12:09:00.003-05:00

Happy Halloween!

Indiana

2008-10-30T09:52:00.004-04:00

We have established that Byron was having a bad week have we not? So of course it had to get worse right? Those are just the rules of life. On Friday morning we left for Indiana. Our car mayyyy have backed into another car in a McDonald's parking lot somewhere in Ohio. Do you like how political I am being in not saying who was driving? It may have been me but think carefully about which of the 3 Leeths is having the terrible week. Luckily, there was no damage and the owner of the other car just waved us on.

When we arrived at Grandma Dottie's house it was such a relief! What else could happen? The answer: 2 flat tires. There was a nail in one and a hole in the other apparently. I am just glad that we got that far! Our hotel was literally right next to a Wal-Mart with a tire center. We were seriously panicked about how much it was going to cost but they were able to patch one of the tires and replace the other with our full-sized spare for only $19. AMAZING!

The rest of the trip went as well as a trip for a funeral could go. Wyatt got to spend a lot of time with his grandparents, Aunt Tara, and his cousins. He had fun with all the kids and all the new toys that Grandma kept finding at Dollar General!

We got back from Indiana last night in a pretty uneventful trip. There was a bit of snow along the way in West Virginia and Maryland. Wyatt stared out the window at it and seemed to be thinking, "What IS that stuff??"

We picked Charley up last night and she was oh so happy to see Wyatt. She is starting to like him infinitely more since he has started self-feeding finger foods. Especially since he is not very good at it so she gets LOTS of treats.

As we were at my parents, my dad informed me that my mom has a lot of airline miles that are expiring. He was looking through the choice of magazines and has decided on People en Espanol. The rationale:

"What a great way to learn Spanish! There are lots of pictures so I'll definitely be able to figure out what's going on. I can look at a picture of Jennifer Lopez and then see the caption and I will learn how to say 'big butt' in Spanish! Won't that be great?!"

I can see how knowing how to say big butt in Spanish will come in reallllly handy in the future. He will be able to trash-talk with the best of them?

When it Rains, It Pours

2008-10-23T08:39:00.006-04:00

I am going to rename my poor husband Alexander. As in, "Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day." Except he is having a terrible horrible no good very bad week.

We got a call this morning about 645 (have you ever gotten a good call this early in the day?) that Byron's grandfather passed away this morning. I imagine we will head to Indiana either this evening or tomorrow morning.

The first thing Byron said though is, "I'm so glad we got Wyatt there to see him!"

We went to Indiana this year for the 4th of July/Byron's grandparents anniversary/Grandpa Bill's 85th birthday. We had a wonderful time and I am glad Byron has those special memories of his son and grandfather together.

On a funnier note, I would like to submit my first Don Wingard saying to a category I will be calling "dadisms."

"Can't they take Charley and leave Wyatt with us instead?"

Also, I was recently reminded of another hilarious story regarding my SWEET Toyota Camry. Be on the look out for that sometime next week.

Manic Monday Indeed!

2008-10-22T15:13:00.003-04:00

This past Monday poor Byron's day got off to a rough, but hilarious, start. If you'll recall, there was quite a nip in the air and the car windshield on my beautiful 1995 Toyota Camry was completely frosted over. As I finished fixing Byron's coffee, lunch, breakfast, etc. he went out to start up the car and scrape the windshield.

Suddenly, as I peered out the kitchen window I saw him gesticulating like a mad man. You see, a fatal flaw with my dear Camry is that the doors lock automatically when the car is started. I assumed that Byron had locked himself out of the car which wouldn't be a problem if he had not already lost the second set of keys a couple of months ago. Needless to say, I was already looking for the USAA roadside assistance number when he came back into the house.

I already knew we were in trouble (remember, the car is running with the keys locked inside) but I was hilariously shocked when he slammed the car door handle down on the kitchen counter. I would have suggested he go easier with the steroids but it would not have fallen on amused ears.

As Byron called to get someone to come jimmy the lock I went out to get a few things out of our other car that had been left the night before. As I stood next to our running car I thought to myself, "Self, might as well give the door handle a little tug."

AND IT OPENED!

I am not even kidding you! I am like Wonder Woman! Actually though, the only door that was locked was the driver's door. And I guess all the passenger doors were still stuck from the freeze. Byron claims it was a miracle. That's right, he says the doors to the car miraculously unlocked.

All I know is that listening to Byron call the towing company back and telling them that his wife got the door open with her brute strength is something I would have loved to hear!

The Leeths in Blogland

2008-10-22T13:06:00.000-04:00

This is not my first foray into the blogosphere but I'm hoping to show a little more sticktoitness (a word I have now made up) this time.

So, what's new with the Leeths?

Well, Wyatt is 7 months today. He has his sixth tooth just under the gum. Am I the only one who thinks he is way too little to have 6 teeth? It seems that this past week he has had a new tooth every time I've looked into his tiny little mouth. No wonder he has been such a cranky kid. Additionally, he is doing a strange variation of crawling. Not the conventional crawl but effective enough for him to terrorize the dog. I also learned the hard way that the dog's food and water dish will need to find a new home when Wyatt tumped them over on the kitchen floor.

Byron has been at his (I can't tell you or I'll have to kill you) job for 3 years now. And at 25 my career is paused to raise a family. That seems so crazy to me. I feel like we were in college yesterday and yet here we are married with a baby...insane.

And now I will reward you my new readers with some cuteness:

I love that my darling son was able to tear himself away from his little frog mirror to pose for this shot. It is almost like he knows that he is adorable isn't it? Oh, vanity you strike so young.